Yes, This Is A Real Type Of Crab. F*** Me.

Oooh, now this sounds like a great idea – a game centered around those creepy little crustaceans known as crabs, mainly, the catching of said critters. No, I don’t mean that kind of crabs, the kind you get from a hooker in Amsterdam – I mean the type that live in the sea in Alaska.

Silly.

Of course, it’s really not worth writing an entire post for the sake of one, admittedly pretty lame, joke (the one about catching crabs, in case you missed it), so I guess I’d better give some actual information. There’s a lot, so these are some of the highlights from IGN’s exclusive report:

• The game is a laugh-a-minute, featuring such fun activities as battling 40-foot waves, storms, ice, and a “nearly 100-percent crew injury rate”.
• The game has been in development since October 2005, so it’s probably better than Duke Nukem Forever.
• No better way to sum this one up, so a quote’ll do: “…Deadliest Catch Alaskan Storm is an immersive and challenging experience, putting [you] at the helm of one the world’s most dangerous jobs — that of a crab boat captain in the icy Bering Sea”.
• Get your hands all over your very own crab-catching vessel – the player gets a choice from one of five real crab boats, or can create their own dream crabber!
• 34,000 miles of real coastline painstakingly recreated for your crab fishing pleasure, with the most realistic wave effects ever seen. In any game. Ever.
• …And much much more, including the fascinatingly-titled “skiff racing minigame”.

So, if you like the idea of catching crabs yourself, for research purposes or for your own twisted pleasure, and “skiff racing” sounds like your kind of scene, you could do worse than to check out Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm, coming to Xbox 360 this April.

Finally, I pat myself on the back for resisting the urge to mention Giant Enemy Crabs here, as two lame jokes in one story would probably create some kind of terrifying, universe-devouring paradox.

D’oh.

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