That’s right boys and girls, Freddie isn’t dead, he’s alive and well and handing out valuable driving safety tips in India, using the universally understood language of badly-translated pamphlets. Let’s take a little journey into Sri Ram’s best Selling New Traffic Signal, and discover what he has to say…

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Like those flying vehicles you were just talking about. Seriously though, taking the piss out of people just because they don’t speak very good English is never funny.

Oh, wait. Yes it is.

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Safeguarding the life of myself is also a top priority of mine, so it’s good to see that we’re both on the same wavelength. You have to have your priorities in order.

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“Man at work slowly”..? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such an accurate description of road works in my entire life. Also, I can assure you that “stone rock rolling” is nowhere near as amusing as stoned rick rolling.

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We all knew that downward was the way to upward… Hell, it always is. But I didn’t realise now that Steep hill vehicles give vehicles. I’m not sure what a narrowidness is either, but it’s scaring me anyway.

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This one goes without saying. Hold on a sec – is that a burning building in the background? Aaargh!

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…Or an overtly camp man in pyjamas will sneak up on you from behind. Trust me, you DO NOT want that. And that’s not the only incredibly homo-erotic thing going on in this picture.

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I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a long sentence in my life, in fact, I think this is a good contender for the longest ever, and I know what I’m talking about because I have really bad grammar, as I’m sure regular readers of this site will have noticed by my regular poorly-constructed rants about gadgets, gaming, and comedy whatnots.

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The smarter people in the audience will already have noticed the fatal flaw in this plan. For your sake, however, I think you’d better read it again.

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Even Freddie Mercury can appreciate that it is good to drive the vehicles without traffic and accident. It’s just a shame he didn’t protect his bummedy-bum, or he might still be with us today.

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No ladies = No drinking = No worries!

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Yep, there is a cruel sleeping goddess of sleeping motorists, and apparently her name is Yama.

Seriously though, there’s absolutely nothing better than having sleeping. OK, maybe not when you’re driving, but in my book, sleeping is good to have anytime.

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