Review: My Boyfriend (DS)
I’ve had some seriously drunken nights in my past and ended up in some strange places but as a straight man I can assure you that this is the first time I’ve ever played around with My Boyfriend.
The back of the box asks – “Is your dream guy tall and handsome, or blonde and sporty? Perhaps he is a romantic intellectual?”. This doesn’t bode well for me as my dream guy happens to be a short ugly redhead who is unfit, repressed, and dumb. I suppose I must accept that I can’t have everything on my check-list and will have to make do.
The ‘options’ is a lie as the lone decision you’re asked to make is whether to turn the sound on or off. This may seem like a trivial choice but you’ll be grateful when you discover that the same elevator music plays on repeat and every time you speak with someone you’re greeted with a jarring sound.
The graphics are quite poor especially when compared with the ones featured on the back of the box which makes me suspect that concept art has been used to pretend that the in-game graphics are much better than they really are.
The game begins with my character babbling about some super hot dream guy she wants to pounce and my friend suggests that I should go looking for him at school. I found this very creepy as lots of school noise can be heard and yet the playground is empty apart from myself, my friend, and this guy. You can play a “soccer” mini-game which is very similar to table-top hockey and is okay apart from the goalkeepers being built like quarterbacks which reminded me of Adidas Power Soccer on the PS. I made an effort to be as hot as possible, changed out of my jeans and into a skirt, and approached this guy. I chose the ‘embarrassed’ speech option, telling him that it was nice to finally speak with him, and he replied “I don’t really understand, but I have to go to my rehearsal now.” Asshole.
You would think that this would be enough to put me off this waste of space but apparently this only spurs me on. I went back to my home and made the mistake of asking my dad if I could help him with anything to which he replied “Thank you darling, but I’m just making dinner. You know that healthy food lovingly prepared is vital for a sound body and mind.” When I asked if I could go and visit my friend my father replied “Of course you can! Why don’t you both go out into the garden? You’ll both really enjoy that!” This is like something out of an episode of Twin Peaks.
My friend suggests that I stalk this dream boyfriend and start by finding out more information on that rehearsal he ran off to. I approached some guy who was standing in the middle of a road, presumably attempting to escape the game he finds himself trapped in, and asked about the rehearsal. He responded with “Rehearsals? No, there are no open rehearsals here…” well, no shit Sherlock, those would have to be some pretty fucked up rehearsals if they were taking place in the middle of a road!
I’ve decided to bring this review to a close as I have some quality games to be playing and the only thing this does well is to teach young girls that not only should they smile as they put up with bullshit from some loser but they should actually spend their time stalking the waste of space. To sum this up, poor graphics, poor music, poor “storyline”, and poor taste. There are plenty of good kids games out there and this really isn’t one of them.