Deal or No Deal, as presented by former WWF wrestler Ted DiBiase aka The Million Dollar Man, is a game of guesswork and if you’ve read my review of Golden Balls you’ll know my feelings on this style of game-show. What I find funny about this show in particular is that many contestants come prepared with a list of figures relating to friend and family birthdays and other landmark events. They actually believe that this superstitious mumbo jumbo will help them win a large sum of money when it’s about as useful as someone using the same set of numbers every time they buy a Lottery ticket.

Since the dizzy heights of his WWF days, where he was one half of the successful tag-team Money Incorporated, Mr. DiBiase has lost a great deal of weight, shrunk in stature, and now goes by the name of Noel Edmonds. Over the years “Noel” has appeared on our TV screens multiple times with family-friendly entertainment such as Telly Addicts and his House Party. He now spends much of his time on a telephone speaking to a banker who only exists inside his own weary head. It’s only natural that a guessing game hosted by an ageing and confused TV presenter would result in multiple videogame incarnations.

I start up Deal or No Deal: The Banker is Back and I immediately notice that the intro video is of a slightly higher quality than I expected which is no indication of how good the game is but it’s just something I felt like mentioning. I start a game, I give this whole superstitious thing a go and choose box 7 as it’s the shirt number worn by Jimmy Johnstone and Henrik Larsson, two Celtic legends.

The five boxes I chose in the first round proved to be pretty handy over all with four blues and a red and for those who are uninitiated that meant I removed four lower values and a high one. As it happens the high value was the £75,000 which is a bit of a pain but I could deal with that as the £100,000 and £250,000 were still in play. The Banker offered me £7,700 which I accepted. End of review. I jest of course, I told him to shove it, screw you mister Banker man. No Deal.

Three more boxes were opened and my luck started to crumble before my eyes as I said goodbye to a couple more red figures and just the one blue. £9,640 was the offer from this mysterious Banker. That offer was an insult and I had some words with Mr. DiBiase. No Deal.

One blue and two more reds pass me by, and one of those reds was the £100,000, this was turning into a disaster. £11,890 was the offer and I could tell this Banker was trying to push me into a corner. No Deal.

After another disastrous round I was left with four high and four low. The Banker must have taken me for a complete and utter mug as he offered a pathetic £9,110. No Deal.

The next three boxes started well, I got rid of a couple of low figures, and then I stumbled across the box with £250,000 inside. Despite this huge setback the £50,000 still remained so all was not lost. The Banker must have been having a laugh as he offered me £3,850. No Deal.

The very next box I opened happened to contain the £50,000. Gutted. Decisions were made and only the 10p and £10,000 remained. The Banker offered me £2,520 and the host asked “Is this enough to get you out of the chair?”. I’m not having some ex-wrestler and his imaginary friend get the better of me. No Deal!

I had to choose between keeping box number 7 or swapping it for another box and faced with this decision I stuck to my guns. No Swap. My box was opened. 10p. Damn it!

That’s the main game in a nutshell and while a randomly generated box will contain the £250,000 each time you play it’s still fundamentally the exact same guessing game. There is a Banker’s Code mode where you’re asked to guess the combination to a lock. After a few attempts I managed to work out the combination and this results in a “you won” message. Exciting stuff. There is also a Banker mode where you play the role of that annoying invisible man and your task is to offer the AI player various sums of money at each interval in the hope they’ll accept it and discover they could have won more. More guesswork folks.

The very best game developers in the world would find it near impossible to create a good game based on such a lifeless format. If you’re a fan of the show and feel an urge to add this title to your DS collection then it probably won’t matter what I have to say but for those who are open to suggestion – don’t do it.

3/10

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