Gaming, Technology, and Gadget News, Reviews, and Previews.
  • Home
  • About TTB
  • Post Archive
  • Submissions / Contact
  • Gift Shop
  • Games That Time Forgot
  • Retro Computing Corner
  • Video Friday

Review: Stalin vs. Martians (PC)

Author: Vince | Date: May 10, 2009

stalin-vs-martians-cover-art-landscape-lowres1942, a year of death, depression, global war and alien invasion if Mezmer Games latest offering is to be believed.  A highly guarded secret campaign of WWII led by Stalin himself sees you having to drive the Martian invaders back from the motherland and save the Earth.

If that sounds, cliche, wacky and over the top then it’s because it is supposed to be, there really is nothing serious about this game.  From the Toy Story inspired look of some of the aliens to the pumping Russian techno music that accompanies every mission there is always something happening that will bring a cheeky grin to your face.

Dubbed a fast paced arcade-RTS, Stalin vs Martians is certainly lacking in some of those departments, namely strategy.  The 12 single player missions on offer here are easily completed within 6 hours and with no skirmish or online modes and not even the option to increase the difficulty there is very little here that will make you want to come back again and again.

In addition the AI is nowhere to be seen, enemies will often stand perfectly still until you reach a certain point where they will magically spring to life and attack with all their fury.  Whilst you can assign your troops into squads there seems very little need as pretty much every situation can be resolved with head on assault with your entire force, this can sap the fun out of the gameplay pretty quickly as each mission descends into the same thing, sure you get different objectives such as ‘defend the village’ or ‘liberate the town’ but they do little to inject any kind of challenge.

stalinvsmartians_screenshot0002Unlike the majority of RTS games there is no resource gathering, base building or unit upgrading in SvsM, instead when you kill enemies they will drop coins that will either reward you with money or power ups that can heal, increase the defense, speed or attack power of a unit.  The money can then be used to buy reinforcements from the limited list of available troops and power-ups such as ‘rage’ that will make all your troops invincible for 30 seconds or the Russian national anthem which makes you cause double damage.  However collecting these can be very difficult at times thanks to the awful pathfinding skills of your troops, at times I had troops running off to the other side of the map for very little reason.

At the end of the day Stalin vs Martians is fun but still a bad game however you look at it, but somehow I can’t help but feel that it was intentional.  From taking orders from one of the worlds most renowned dictators, the repetitive retro feeling of the soundtrack along with the bad voice acting and the complete disposablity of your forces are almost a parody of the RTS genre in itself.  If you were to bullet point out the key factors that make an RTS game and produce something that does the bare minimum to reach those standards then SvsM is what you’d be left with.

Despite this being a budget title $15 still seems too much for the few hours of gameplay, and even less of entertainment, that SvsM will provide.  At a lower price point it would perhaps provide enough amusement to warrant a purchase, but until that happens I suggest steering well clear of this one.

3/10

Other TTB Posts Like This One

  • Review: Officers (PC)
  • Review: Brothers In Arms: Hell’s Highway (Xbox 360)
  • Aliens vs Predator, More Screens, More Details!
  • First Screen From Sega’s New Alien vs Predator Game
  • Stalin vs. Martians Only 260 Rubles This Weekend
Add to Google

1 Comment »

Comment by Marco Fiori
2009-05-11 19:14:33

Just been playing this for review elsewhere, and my god is it odd. It’s certifiably insane. It really is crazy.

Reply to this comment
 
Click here to cancel "reply".
Name (why not register?)
E-mail (not required, but fill it in if you want an avatar!)
Your Website (not required)
Your Comment
First time commenters:
There is no need to re-submit your comment if it doesn't appear immediately, as all comments on this site are moderated. Basic HTML, emoticons ("smileys") and links are allowed. To get your own avatar, please sign up at Gravatar.com. Thanks!

Trackback responses to this post

Review: Tiger Woods 11 (Xbox 360)Review: Tiger Woods 11 (Xbox 360)

Tiger Woods has returned. Nothing much has happened in the real life of Tiger Woods since the... »

Review: Tournament of Legends (Wii)Review: Tournament of Legends (Wii)

To the best of my knowledge the Nintendo Wii isn't blessed with many fighting games. Off the top... »

R4 Flashcarts Now Officially Illegal In UKR4 Flashcarts Now Officially Illegal In UK

Yep, you heard me right. The R4 flashcart, that seemingly-innocent little bit of plastic and... »

Get Your Virtual Groove (Publicly) On With Japanese Virtual Lady Simulator “Love Plus”Get Your Virtual Groove (Publicly) On With Japanese Virtual Lady Simulator “Love Plus”

Not a lot of people know this, but in Japan you can actually buy a vitual girlfriend simulator... »

Retro Computing Corner: 25 Years Of The Commodore AmigaRetro Computing Corner: 25 Years Of The Commodore Amiga

Today is the 24th of July 2010, and that can only mean one thing - the 25th birthday of the... »

Video Friday: The “Half-Life That Could Have Been” EditionVideo Friday: The “Half-Life That Could Have Been” Edition

Here's some retro gaming gold - a very early trailer for the original Half-Life. This trailer... »

Review: Crackdown 2 (Xbox 360)Review: Crackdown 2 (Xbox 360)

Crackdown provided one of the biggest surprises in this generation of consoles. Going on the... »

Review: Demon’s Souls (PS3)Review: Demon’s Souls (PS3)

This is quite unlike any game I have ever played. I have played many action RPGs. I have also... »

Review: Green Day Rock Band (Xbox 360)Review: Green Day Rock Band (Xbox 360)

During my teenage years Green Day were one of my favourite bands, Dookie was one of my favourite... »

Review: Sherlock Holmes (Blu-ray)Review: Sherlock Holmes (Blu-ray)

I really like the Sherlock Holmes character. Forget Poirot, Columbo, and the chimney sweep who... »

Everything For Your Console

Console Accessories from ConsoleBUZZ! Console Accessories for DS, Wii and Xbox 360. Free shipping in the UK!

Recent Comments

  • Review: Petz Fantasy (DS)
    • Tigervamp: Hi, not sure if this will help but there's an 'Unlockables area' here http://petz.uk.ubi.com/ at the bottom left of the…
    • CousinJarna: This game, while a bit boring for anyone over the age of 12, is perfect for my 4-5yr old lil…
  • Halo 3's Mythic Map Pack Is Here, Download It On LIVE Now!
    • Sims_Doc: Halo 3 on USB , now that would be the day.
  • Review: True Blood - Season One (DVD)
    • Tigervamp: First, Sam didn't grunt and I didn't say he did. Tara grunted in her sleep. You should know this if…
    • DiMi: Your discussion of Sam and Tara is offensive. You don't understand race or racial politics, you don't understand the scene,…
  • A Tribute To The Atari ST
    • Retro Computing Corner: 25 Years Of The Commodore Amiga | Team Teabag! - Home of the Latest Gaming, Technology, and Gadget News, Reviews, and Previews.: [...] even had its own set of fanboys back in its day, constantly at war with owners of the far…
  • Review: My Boyfriend (DS)
    • lynnekemeis: i'm stuck. my "boyfriend" is the athlete and i'm at the point that i'm gonna play a match with him. helping him…
    • anonymous: for the pepople that stuck on getting in the band or the football team u have to wear a purle…
  • Portal: The Flash Version Maps Go 3D
    • me: WHERE DO YOU GET THE DA*N THINGS!!!???!!!!???:(
  • ZOMG Nerdgasm: Chu Chu Rocket Coming to XBLA, VC, PSN?
    • Francis: Oh my god... Years of my youth playing this... The memories live on forever... I sure hope it comes out UNCHANGED in PSN…
  • Review: Dance Party Club Hits + Dance Party Pop Hits (Wii)
    • anonymous: I prefer Just Dance play, I love it, I think is better than this one
  • Review: Wet (Xbox 360)
    • lukadelic19: it met to have old western movie look about it which is ok but it annoying how …
  • Review: Green Day Rock Band (Xbox 360)
    • Review: Green Day Rock Band (Xbox 360) | Team Teabag! – Home of … | Rauls Photos: [...] See the article here: Review: Green Day Rock Band (Xbox 360) | Team Teabag! – Home of … [...]
    • Review: Green Day Rock Band (Xbox 360) | Team Teabag! – Home of … | Game Addictor: [...] View full post on Google Alerts – xbox 360 [...]
  • Star Wars Force Unleashed Deluxe Lightsaber (Hasbro) - Review
    • sean: After finding out it didn't work, I decided to have a look inside to see what really made this lightsaber…
  • The World's Fastest Police Car: The Caparo T1-RRV
    • anonymous: well good it could have been a bagati vayron but it will do :]:]
  • Top 10 Wednesday: Top 10 Achievement Whoring Games
    • Kian: Assassins Creed 2 has very easy achievements. Easy 900+ Gamerscore on this game (also easy for 1000G)
  • Teabagging Accuracy in Halo 3, The Stats
    • Someone: I teabag right in the chest, you get much more accurate teabags like that.
  • E3: Square Enix Drops the Bomb, Final Fantasy XIII for the 360
    • Benjamin: I don't get what the big deal is about changing discs... it shocks me how lazy people can be xD
  • Bungie signs 10 year deal with Activision - How long will the honeymoon last?
    • Halo fan 360.: I know that Halo:3 and Halo;Reach will last forever.

Popular Categories

Announcements Arcade Atari Crazy Japanese Stuff DIY DLC DS e3 Funny Stuff Gadgets Gaming Good Ideas Guitar Hero H4xx0ring Halo Hardware Interweb Linux microsoft Music Nintendo PC pictures PS3 psn Retro Gaming Reviews Rock Band Rock Band 2 Rumors screenshots sega Sony Team Teabag! The Orange Box This week in Rock Band Toys Uncategorized Video Video Friday Wii XBLA XBLM Xbox 360 Xbox Live

Team Teabag Twitter

  • RT @Kotaku: PlayStation 3 Destroyed In A Fire Looks Like This http://kotaku.com/5604621//gallery/
  • RT @Dtoid: Trailer shows off batty Guitar Hero 'Quest Mode' http://tinyurl.com/2f4amch. The hell is this crap!? Acti have lost the plot!
  • Music video created in DSi Flipnote Studio - 'Brain Games' by Arman Bohn. Watch it here! http://bit.ly/alrKHK
  • RT @mtvmultiplayer: Apparently StarCraft 2 has been melting video cards! Has anyone else had this problem?
  • RT @majornelson: Trials HD fans: Design and track and you could win -> http://mjr.mn/cUS2X2
  • 2D Worms is making a comeback to the PC this August! More on @Kotaku: http://bit.ly/ct2goY
  • RT @arstechnica: Internet Explorer 9 beta to arrive in September - by @drpizza - http://arst.ch/lu3
  • RT @ConsoleBUZZ: More on R4 High Court Ruling... Illegal to sell ANY flashcart/circumvention device in the UK now. http://bit.ly/afoGy2
  • R4 cartridges illegal in the UK. Thoughts? http://bit.ly/cMvUi4 #R4 #Nintendo #DS
  • A girlfriend simulator? Only in Japan. A girlfriend simulator you play in public, in an arcade? *Definitely* only... http://fb.me/CywCPJwq

« The Week In Team Teabag: 3rd – 10th May 2009 This Week in Rock Band: Distorting, Socially Edition »